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Richard Roberts Announces “New Level” of Being Drunk in the Spirit

25 Jan

richard_roberts_t670After being released from jail late Monday evening, Roberts took to the airwaves to explain the DUI was a misunderstanding.  He relayed to viewers he’d actually had a spiritual breakthrough earlier that evening while self-administering communion with grape juice.  “God gave me a powerful ‘water to wine’ anointing,” he said–an anointing so powerful, apparently, its effects were detectable to a breathalyzer.

He ended the broadcast by giving millions of insomniacs and disaffected infomercial enthusiasts the chance to sow into his new ministry.  In the coming year, which he has proclaimed the Year of the Spirit(s), Roberts announced he would begin a worldwide crusade to spread the news.  Until sufficient funds arrive, however, he is planning to hold services primarily at airport bars and lonely hotel rooms.

The pope could not be reached for comment regarding whether the incident could be considered the first empirical evidence of reverse transubstantiation.

 
 

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  1. Sam Downing

    January 25, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    The LORD spake unto me and said, “Behold, inform my former servant Andy Walters that he should serve penance for his many blasphemies and buy drinks for his Denver friends the next time he doth sojourn to that city.”

     
  2. Andy Walters

    January 25, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Haha, the LORD spaketh wisely, Sam.

     
  3. Esther Spears

    January 25, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    Wow! This is the best thing since Ted Haggard.

     
  4. Rachel

    January 26, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    Is this true? Just wondering.

     
  5. Moon

    July 25, 2012 at 7:39 am

    As a graduate of Crazy Man University and an atheist on a similar journey, may I raise a glass of grape juice to the Year of the Spirits. Thanks, Andy. I would have liked to have known you while you were a student there. I look forward to reading the rest of your blog.